Suprabh’s Take on Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Prologue

Bhoora, Gora Gaye bazaar, wahan se laaye Bomb ka achaar
Bhoora Bola Mai Fussunga, Gora Bola Mai fussunga
Gore ne diya bhaav
Bhoora bola, assi major saab

Review

Bhagwaan Ke liye mujhe ChHod Do
please Bhagwaan ke liye mujhe chHod do

These are legendary lines that have been spoken by various actresses throughout the time line of Hindi Cinema. Here’s finally a movie that justifies these words and makes you believe that everything happens for a reason.
Jab Tak Hai Jaan- the title could not have been more apt. It literally asks its viewers to bear it while their life and the sanity inside it can hold off from exploding like a bomb. Jab Tak Hai Jaan tells a tale of how God works in mysterious ways- Jab miya biwi raazi toh kaand karega paparazzi. Jab Tak Hain Jaan begins its love cum lust tale of Army Jawans and the reason why they are called jawaans. It tells you that discovery reporters’s short chaddis are the reason why they are still in the army and why they allow any 21 year old to call them by their first name as if she was their class buddy. It shows that we have so supremely talented guitar strumming poetry churning, and confident Bomb diffusing men in the army that they would allow a trainee reporter to swing her ass right next to the bomb while filming and chit chatting.

Cut to the past and JTHJ shows Jesus was the first person to be knighted by the British empire–Take that Israel !! It gives an important message to the all those desis trying to make it big in the US- If you are an Indian- perform on the streets, and strum the guitar even if you dont know a thing about it–sir jesus will take care of the music n all…and if you are a Pakistani– Well befirend that Indian

In JTHJ, PKD (Pyaar ka devta OR srk) pataos pseudo punjabi gori chic and asks her, aap meri pappi pe tappi toh nahi maroge…10 seconds of co-salivation later..tussi tappi ni maari…hun saanu ik vaari hor pappi chaidi..
So Our Meera because of the pehla pyaar now gets into ANAND (quite literally)..and we see exactly why JTHJ is a family movie.. The husbands started their own meeras draped in white satin over their naked bodies and wives started noticing how their husbands are adjusting themselves in the seats and the teeanged kids saying, ‘hell now we’re talking’.
There are a lot of songs worth of pre-smabhog moments and then because of that one of the 7 sins- Jealousy takes the centerstage and Sir Jesus says well, you know what enough fondling, Ab mere liye isey Chhod do…

JTHJ gives hope to Indian youth and tells them, well you know what, after you have done it all, you can always fall back on the Indian Armed forces, because we are waiting for you to come and diffuse all our bombs, after Army me jaana mushkil thode hi hai,,,Mushkil toh pyaar karna hai.
If all this prem manthan not enough, there’s more for you in JTHj…it takes Ghajini to a whole new level…It borrows from the title track of Shaan – Pyaar karne wale, pyaar karte hain shaan se etc etc..So PKD says …mmm meera ne kaha london chhod do… akira ne kaha army chhod do..ab bhagwaan keh raha hai memory chhod do…ye memoryloss toh retrograde hi hoga…mmmm

The best moment of Hindi cinema and the most defining moment of Queen Elizabeth‘s life comes when the British finally paid of the Indian Karz of years of ruling and exploitation. The British official allows an unidentified desi to walk into a train having a bomb and allows him to diffuse it –It shows how much the British trust the Desis especially with bombs and all..

JTHJ is an accomplished love story,,,it can make you restless and impatient with its soul shaking moment– You may seriously face identity crisis and shake the soul inside of you questioning–why did I come here to watch this movie? Its extremely emotional and very Cent-i-MENTAL. I shed a lot of tears while watching this movie… It happens to me whenever I am feeling sleepy and trying to keep my eyes open and yawning 15 times in half an hour. I can very well say my tears can be attributed to the YAWN shoshan courtesy JTHJ
JTHJ is sort of a redefining the meaning film– It redfines the meaning of Boredom, patience, time, love and most importantly Bad.

JTHJ – 0 on 10

Epilogue

Thankfully I still have Deewar, Silsila and Lamhe to remember as fond memories. RIP Mr Yash chopra.

17 Comments

  1. utkal
    utkal
    November 20, 2012 at 8:58 PM

    YAWN shoshan…mere sath bhi hua.

    But I dont hold it against yashji. Because I know shru se ant tak yeh Adi ke kartoot hai. Yashji would never use Bhagwan to resolve a romantic crisis.. kyonki he knows phir romance ka kya bacha? In fact he wont even parents interfere.

    Because he is the man who sings , ‘ Ab chahe maa roothe ya bab maine toh pyar kar li’

    All this pleasing the ‘rab’ and pleasing ‘ Sir Jesus’ is Adi’s idea of romance.

  2. Sneha_Dagabaaz
    Sneha_Dagabaaz
    November 20, 2012 at 9:45 PM

    Lol

  3. Serenzy
    Serenzy
    November 20, 2012 at 10:04 PM

    Hilarious Review…Hahaha!

    :D

  4. danish
    danish
    November 20, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    @utkal – yashj has been making trashy movies since 1986 – faasle, vijay, chaandni, parampara, lamhe, dil to paagal hai……

    this one was just one more. just that his time was over (on the boxoffice and in the world too)

    as for adi chopra the success of his biggest hit (ddlj) remins the biggest mystery to me. a 60s style joy mukherji-asha parekh road/train romance in 1st half and a poor coy of hum aapke hain kaun ins econd half how is it such a big hit – may be a generation of indians and NRIs needed to get their brains checked.

  5. danish
    danish
    November 20, 2012 at 11:20 PM

    by the way ye suprabh khud hi ban ho gaya kya jo iska take FS publish kar raha hai?

  6. Yakuza
    Yakuza
    November 20, 2012 at 11:58 PM

    Good one Suprabh .. did u liked Veer Zaara ? I am asking because i loved that movie and if you hate that then i will surely love this one .. :) Going to JTHJ tomorrow

  7. Harsha
    Harsha
    November 21, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    LOL @ YAWN shoshan ….

  8. rockie_Dabhangg2
    rockie_Dabhangg2
    November 21, 2012 at 2:19 AM

    lolzz… YAWN shoshan …
    effective increase in our vocab. :P

  9. Nirjhar
    Nirjhar
    November 21, 2012 at 3:56 AM

    Epic! … don’t go by the jokes, reasons for such rating is well pointed out … and, come back soon Suprabh,!

  10. iitianWay
    iitianWay
    November 21, 2012 at 8:01 AM

    Thanks suprabh for using correct “chhod”…nahin to re-read mein is poore review ka meaning hi ch##d jaata

  11. RJ
    RJ
    November 21, 2012 at 10:32 AM

    Hahaha…Yawn shoshan is the perfect way to describe the “emotions” running through the movie!

    But I’m hearing ppl are finding it pretty okay, except for the 3 hour length…in fact I over heard one of my friends recommending it to a few others.

    General perception – “it’s not so bad”
    how much ever we at NG deny..and that’s reflecting in the collections..!

    1. Jasp the Wasp
      Jasp the Wasp
      November 21, 2012 at 7:16 PM

      One of my friends’ parents said exactly the same thing – “Its not bad”. I didn’t know what to make of that, though :D.

      And have I pointed out how much I hate NG’s database errors?

  12. Roy
    Roy
    November 21, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    Great review sup. As always, good fun reading your posts :D

  13. ank_16n
    ank_16n
    November 21, 2012 at 5:06 PM

    I haven’t seen JTHJ yet but this Review itself is blockbuster…..

    I have been reading some really Extreme reviews for JTHJ…..Both Blockbuster type and Disaster type …
    will decide only after Seeing the movie….

  14. Shalu
    Shalu
    November 21, 2012 at 5:20 PM

    LOL! If only the film was half as entertaining as this review. I’m still not able to accept just how Yash Chopra managed to make such an insipid film. Sad that this had to be his last movie.

  15. RJ
    RJ
    November 21, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    Oh now this will trend badly too..!

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