Bodyguard music is maha bakwaas
The title track of Bodyguard begins with banter between two Bambaiyya characters discussing the prospect of a new film by this name. ‘Hero kaun hain uska?’ one asks the other. This infuriates the fan boy, who packs a punch, ‘Teri …’ smashing the punter’s delicate body part. Salman Khan arrives, announcing, ‘Mujh par ek ehsaan karna, ke mujh par koi ehsaan na karna.’ Dude has said it, so no mercy thereon.
The title track dwindles into Wanted-Ready dhinchak territory; self congratulatory and saviour of all things loud. Had the chorus on the track been warbling, ‘Aao ji, aao ji, kha lo bhajjya pao ji, khila raha hai dekho bodyguard’ instead of ‘Aao ji, bao ji, dil se dil milao ji, aa gaya hai dekho bodyguard,’ we’d still be shaking our obedient tush, because Salman bhai is shaking his. Does not matter what the words are, as long as masses can be made to do the drill, Sallu style.
The next track, credited to guest composer Pritam is I Love You – sung by Ash King, a wannabe uber-cool mushy ballad that should be your morning alarm tune. Reassuring to know something wakes you up with a cuckoo affectation. Aww sweety. Sleep with a hammer under your pillow.
Desi Beat has Mika Singh thwacking it for disco dandiya. Amrita Kak accompanies him on this one, garba stick for stick, they beat the drum hollow. Utter rubbish.
Then when you put Rahat Fateh Ali Khan and Shreya Ghoshal in the midst of stupefyingly trite music, you try to redeem the album’s subservient soul with their slo-mo transcendental rendition of Teri Meri – but is that enough, when the composition itself navigates round and round their voices, either to drown them or churn something that has a melodic consistency like cream in a blender – a thick gooey glob with no crunch.
The four afore mentioned tracks have a hazaar other versions – remix, reprise, unplugged – take your pick. Himesh Reshammiya is the music composer of Bodyguard. You guessed right.