Kambakkht Ishq- unThoughts!

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Will The Real Bollywood Please Stand Up? Beware Of The Fakes!

I would’ve probably written a piece on Kambakkht Ishq titled My Thoughts on KI, but then that would’ve meant I’d committed the mistake of ‘thinking’ while watching an Akshay Kumar comedy. The irony of course is that KI, without being subversive or anything remotely intellectual to warrant the use of a word such as ‘subversive’, did make me ‘think’. And to that credit (or discredit in case of an Akki flick), I don’t know if I should write a re-view of it.

Anyway, to cut to the chase…Akshay Kumar plays a role that he was born to play- that of a stuntman. An opening montage of Hollywood stars at a red carpet event gives way to Akshay Kumar crashing through a window. Bollywood gate-crashing Hollywood’s party! Just as I was tempted to go off on a tangent and ‘think’, in typical pseudo-intellectual style, about the potential subtext to all that might follow, Akshay Kumar is revealed to be Brandon ‘Superman’ Routh’s body-double. I was again tempted to go off on a tangent about actors who play Superman being cursed (I mean, Routh goes from Bryan Singer to Sabbir Khan! Sabbir Khan, who? Eggjhaactly!), but was hit harder by the dampener that Bollywood no gate-crashing Hollywood…Bollywood merely a cheap imitation of Hollywood…a second rate copy! And ‘cheap imitations’ are a strict no-no to Bebo- Kareena Kapoor playing a stuck-up b*tch, incidentally called Bebo (a role she was born to play?).

So when Bebo’s chaddi-buddy (literally!)Amrita Arora (me no acting, hence me no clothes!) is set to get married to stuntman’s sibling Aftab Shivdasani (I don’t think, therefore I am not!), Bebo steps in to prevent it. As does Big Brother Akki. Both have the same agenda, but different beliefs. She believes that all men want sex…he agrees! He believes that all women are trouble…she proves it! I’d like to say, and so begins a battle of the sexes…but unfortunately, what begins is only a piling of the most inane, childish and crude humour passed off with the confidence of having finally ‘arrived’ on the world stage. But how can you ‘arrive’, when you’re film is too busy trying to ‘come’!

For all the premium laid on being ‘original’, the film ‘cheaply imitates’ all the awkward American teenage comedy trappings. Only this is even more awkward, because the actors trying to pull it off are grown adults. If Amrita Arora getting farted on her face & Akshay Kumar getting an anal probe is your idea of humour, then this one’s for you. Also, the film ‘thinks’ (paradox alert!) it’s cool by peppering curses like b*tch and b*st*rd throughout the running time. Agreed, you do feel strangely excited the first few times you hear Kareena Kapoor being referred to as a b*tch, but after the 25^th time I’m sure even Shahid Kapoor wouldn’t feel vindicated! There’s no fun if you tame down ‘b*tch’ to the level of ‘saali’. Overkill, I tell you. And it’s all done with the noblest of all delusional intentions- Bollywood gate-crashing Hollywood’s party!

So, apart from the cursed ‘Superman’, you have has-beens like Sylvester Stallone and Denise Richards being paraded around in inconsequential cameos. Denise Richards (looking like an ‘after’ version of a botox gone wrong) wants to have Akshay’s ‘golden babies’…while Sylvester Stallone (even relics look better) mouths “Kambakkht Ishq”, the most comprehensible words he’s said since “Yo, Adrian!” Oh, and there’s a lame Awards Show where Akshay Kumar goes all mush, in front of an audience comprising look-alikes of Jack Nicholson & Brad Pitt among others, talking about him as a kid in Poon-jaab wanting to grow up to be like Sylvester Stallone. Yo, Mama!

To be fair, the film does have its moments. The first half actually breezes by, thanks mostly to Akshay Kumar’s comic timing and the fact that the comedy, however crude and slapstick, is actually par for the course. In fact, at the interval, the film hinges on a zany comical point from where it has great potential to take off in the second half. The film messes it up though by shifting gears and going all lovey-dovey and sentimental on us. It also misses out big-time by failing to extend the Javed Jafferi character. His 7 minutes are the best parts of the film, and his character, a Sindhi born-to-sue who can’t believe the land of opportunity the US is to a sue-r such as him, is one of the most inspired comic creations since his Eggjhaactly act in Salaam Namaste.

Unfortunately, with a very poor second-half, matched only by a very poor Anu Malik soundtrack (save the title track which is composed by the group RDB), Kambakkht Ishq is a puerile film. It’s like a teenager that believes it is all grown-up, but doesn’t know that the zits & pimples still show.

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There Are 29 Responses So Far. »

RAJ 2 July 2009
10:59:05 pm

“”Agreed, you do feel strangely excited the first few times you hear Kareena Kapoor being referred to as a b*tch, but after the 25th time I’m sure even Shahid Kapoor wouldn’t feel vindicated!”"”

LOL

Som 2 July 2009
11:09:39 pm

Good to see here Abzee! Thanks for making some time out of your busy schedule and share your thoughts on KI.

Well. never expected KI to throw any real surprise,so it does seem par for the course.I guess it is hard to expect from Bollywood anything but slapstick humor.I don’t mind slapstick humor once in a while if the film has an engaging screenplay to back it.

ăbzee 2 July 2009
11:19:34 pm

Thanks Som. Just happened to be at the preview last night and was discussing what I felt when someone insisted I put them down to paper/keyboard!

See, I didn’t mind Welcome. That was a funny slapstick film. But the humour in KI isn’t that good, and the shifting gears doesn’t help at all. Also, Welcome had 2 solid perfs from Nana and Anil who really were the driving forces behind that film’s comic success.

RAJ 2 July 2009
11:28:54 pm

Agree here with abzee…Nana and Anil indeed were the backbone of Welcome…But even Welcome reached a plateau towards the climax…Infact the climax scene in “Welcome” was horrendous..

Angels and Belds 2 July 2009
11:31:04 pm

abz – ithni naraazgi humse ki aap NG aana bandh kar di

aap nahin tho mazaa nahin hai

ăbzee 2 July 2009
11:43:40 pm

Beld- Naarazgi kahaan…hum to waqt ke maare hain. Warna mujh jaise masochist ko NG pe aane se kaun rok sakta hai bhala. After all, insults and arguments are never as crisp as they are at NG!

Seriously though, would like to be here more often. Will try for sure.

Angels and Belds 3 July 2009
12:04:26 am

>>After all, insults and arguments are never as crisp as they are at NG!

touche! tho i personally cant stand any of the morons here who keep engaging in insults

Qalandar 3 July 2009
12:49:25 am

Yikes abzee, sounds like a stinker! The film, not your review, of course Can’t say I was surprised, as I just didn’t like any of the previews (and I really really dislike Kareena Kapoor’s diva act)…

rudresh 3 July 2009
12:49:42 am

look like will not survive after the first weekend

sandy 3 July 2009
01:51:36 am

LOL abzee

Don’t kill me okay but I liked the movie quite a bit.
And this is for Gorilla : Take it from me. This film will be one of the biggest hits of the year. It will easily catapult Kareena as numero uno and Akshay (I loved him in this film) will be as hot as he was during SIK.

Angels and Belds 3 July 2009
01:56:02 am

sandy – is that reaaaaallllly your opinion or is this just a feeble attempt to discard the pseudo tag

Gorilla 3 July 2009
01:56:07 am

@Sandy: Thanks. Have posted my crude review. I seem to have liked KI more than Abzee but a little less than you.

Angels and Belds 3 July 2009
01:57:30 am

gor…a bhai – ur review is probably right up there. and it has convinced me not to go see the movie in theater.

sandy 3 July 2009
01:57:51 am

I’ll be putting up my review in a while and though I can see where abzee is coming from, I didn’t mind half the things he does. I was expecting a pathetic second half and was pleasantly surprised that I fell for the emotional bit too. Anyway more of it later.

Gorilla 3 July 2009
02:00:22 am

‘It will easily catapult Kareena as numero uno ‘

If the movie does well, she will indeed. She surprised me.

rudresh 3 July 2009
02:03:42 am

well it is conivincing me to go and see this.. May be i will watch this on weekend

sandy 3 July 2009
02:04:29 am

She is frigging hot! Can have Katrina for brerakfast

sandy 3 July 2009
02:05:52 am

Okay, I hated the first twenty minutes of the film actually. Like abzee says, it’s very peurile and silly, but it keeps getting better. And I think it’s the lead pair that really makes this work.

sandy 3 July 2009
02:07:07 am

“Also, the film ‘thinks’ (paradox alert!) it’s cool by peppering curses like b*tch and b*st*rd throughout the running time. Agreed, you do feel strangely excited the first few times you hear Kareena Kapoor being referred to as a b*tch, but after the 25th time I’m sure even Shahid Kapoor wouldn’t feel vindicated!”

I was laughing when you told me this in the morning, lekin itni baar kidhar hai? You’re exagerrating!

sandy 3 July 2009
02:09:41 am

“sandy – is that reaaaaallllly your opinion or is this just a feeble attempt to discard the pseudo tag ”

Beld: If the film is a hit, you better be ready to eat humble pie.

sandy 3 July 2009
02:17:59 am

“But how can you ‘arrive’, when you’re film is too busy trying to ‘come’!”

Abzee, yeh sab kya hai!

Gorilla 3 July 2009
03:20:37 am

‘Bollywood merely a cheap imitation of Hollywood…a second rate copy!’

I on the contrary got the opposite feel. Hollywood actors, for whoever they are, were used like toilet papers in KI. Brandon Routh was made to look like a fool with hardly any role.
Denise Richards – the lesser said about her the better.
Sylvestor – I am still his huge fan. I liked him when he sayd ‘Kombakatah eeeshq’. However I was hurt. He was royally ignored and got a chawanni chaamp role. Infact this will go as his worst role and it was a shock to see my hollywood hero go down the drain.
So, no, never did Hollywood loomed up as the big brother. Infact it was shown in a very cliched way and with a message that – Bollywood is where the real action is and that it is the backbone of Hollywood. Cheesy isn’t it? but so is the movie and its characters.

sandy 3 July 2009
03:38:54 am

Yeah I agree with Gorilla. I didn’t see it as a ‘complex’ thing actually.

RAJ 3 July 2009
03:49:13 am

Good points Gorilla….

RAJ 3 July 2009
03:51:01 am

Generally i care less for the reviews…audince reaction has to be seen…then only any verdict can be passed…Since Sandy has liked the movie..i believe it would be a success…

Angels and Belds 3 July 2009
06:03:55 am

@sandy>>>She is frigging hot! Can have Katrina for brerakfast

no wonder they legalized gay marriage!

RAJ 3 July 2009
10:32:09 pm

I havent watched a Akhay movie in theatres since ages…Bhagam Bhag was my last akshay movie in a theatre..My Younger brother watched the movie yesterday alongwith his freinds(All are in the age group of 19-20)

This is what he has to say about the movie…

“”"A crap movie.Even crappier than SIK….First half was watchable but second half was boring…slept for 10 mins in between .Songs were all crap .Akshay was ok ..Kareena was at her irritating best.People in the thatre were cursing and passing leud remarks at all the crap jokes…It was such an horrible atmosphere in the theatre that not a single family could stay in the thatre to watch and i doubt there would be any family viewers for this movie in next one week.”"”

Aditya 4 July 2009
05:14:15 pm

i very rarely walk out on films but i couldn’t take it anymore with “kambakkht ishq”. unadulterated bakwas!. man, akshay kumar is slipping….

rks 4 July 2009
07:38:41 pm

Whatever be the opening, this is an atrocious movie. If Akshay and Kareena were not there in the movie it would be a C grade movie. Except for couple of songs, the movie has nothing to offer. You can find most of the stunts in your visit to Universal studios.

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