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I thought a film marketed with a rugged look would be an action flick. But, surprise-surprise Tashan is an out-and-out comedy. The action makes you laugh, the romance makes you laugh louder, and it is so funny that the characters make you laugh even when they are seething with anger. And the beauty is I haven’t been able to figure out whether any of this was intentional!

Speaking of beauty, after a long time have I seen India shot so beautifully. Kerala, Rajasthan, (Ladakh?) were all saturated with color, alright. Nevertheless the way the intrinsic beauty of these places was shot made me want to find out exactly where those places were and when I could go there.

But alas! Come action sequences, and the camera blows its horn too hard. It doesn’t allow the audience to register the seemingly interesting stunts. Similarly, there were glimpses of interesting editing decisions. Like when a character says ‘BITCH’ with a long ‘i’ and the scene cuts to a long shot of a beach or when “kabhi kabhi” is playing and a car falls down a cliff when the song reaches “tujhe zameen par bulaya gaya” (you have been called to the earth) part. That the car flying in the air was very shoddily animated is a different story altogether.

However, what really surprised me is that the four main characters in the film had actually different traits which were more-or-less consistently adhered to. What’s more, each one had a story arc too!? - Very atypical of a Hindi movie in this genre. An underworld don, a wannabe don with super-powers, a supposed simpleton, and a lady with a mission - all with brain and brawn. (yes the girl too! YAY!!) Sounds like a decent enough premise. But something grossly went wrong in the execution. And I could complain about artistic liberties taken, if only there was any art in sight.

A big fat finger can be pointed at the dialogues. My fears came true, as in the word “the” was overused. I think the writer was pretty sure people are going to go off to sleep. Which is why the name of the movie is repeated every half hour - to orient the people who have just woken up! Also, Hindi-fying of English was done in such abundance that I was soon immune to it. So, while it didn’t bother me, it didn’t make me laugh either. Sure, there were obvious tributes to Deewar, Sholay, and Jaane Bhi do Yaaro. Would have been good if they were done well, though.

What is amazing is that despite really lousy dialogues, each one of the four actors has given a good performance. Having the right expressions (exaggerated as they might be) to rise above the bad lines must be applauded in any case. Certainly, the roles must have looked interesting at script stage for established actors like them to give Tashan space in their portfolio. Of course, Kareena overshadowed the male trio put together in the “looks” department. By the way, am I the only one here to sense that Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan are too old and too mature in this industry to flout their ’sexiness’ in such an inelegant, uncouth way?

The songs functioned like the snooze button for me. I felt like muting it off when a song started and suffered the familiar rude shock five minutes later when it ended giving charge to the louder background music. So loud that it overshadowed dialogue at many points. The lyrics, the choreography and of course the music, all seemed too generic and random. Actually a level below generic. We can see Kareena not only sporting the golden “Aishwarya look” from Dhoom 2 but she also has a few of Aishwarya’s dance moves! And why was Saif Ali Khan made to look like he couldn’t dance to save his life?

Despite the things done right, while leaving the theater I was praying that Vijay Acharya hadn’t over-dosed me with whatever anesthetic it was he was using. The numbness I felt in the brain region was really scary. Anyway, all’s good, I’m out of it and hoping to keep you away from it

Rating: Switch channels if it’s on cable!