The Real NG awards: To NGites, from NGites

Ok seriously telling you, I am bored of reading how this award should go to Shahrukh, that to Aamir, that one to Amitabh. We are so obsessed with these stars, that we don’t even think about ourselves. So I thought, why not spoil ourselves. I mean Hollywood does it, Bollywood does it, Kollywood does it, so even we should take off some time to self-indulge ourselves and pat our backs for being what we are, “Star Fanatics”. These are not Oscars, Filmfare, Razzies or Na-reals, these are the awards which will be given by NGites, to NGites from NGites. Being a noob (those who don’t play CS, newbie) over here, I came up with a few categories, rest are open to you all to add, till lets say 12:00 noon, April 11 2008, Central. And vote your options as well, and e shall have this “award ceremony on April 12th 2008, 12:00 noon, again Central. But these are not forums, so I just hope this thread is kept alive by your participation, opinions, votes and even curses thrown at me.

This is the first and the last time that I would be serious in this post of mine, This is just for fun, with no intention of dis-reputing or bad mouthing anyone, if there is anyone to blame then that should be me, and yes I am immature, crass, vulgar and all that, but please do not indulge in personal attack with other members.

So now I would tell the categories, and the NOMINATIONS…..

1) Most Poster award (For new threads): The category includes the stars of NG who makes it a busy place by throwing one article after another, without giving you enough time to read one, forget about commenting, they bombard you with a dozen more, so much so that if you are having a discussion on some topic, and you come back after an hour or so to resume your battles, most probably you won’t be able to locate that thread. And the nominees are:-

A) Satyam : If its anything related to Bachchans, then no need to read the name of the poster, it probably is Satyam. With 31 new articles from April 2nd to April 10th 10:00 AM central, Satayam has clearly shown why and how he is the favorite of this category. Now 31 because, Satyam doesn’t work on Sundays, hence all his articles come only on 6 days of the week, hence a phenomenal average of 5+ new articles everyday.

B) Simply Som: Now if you thought Satyam’s figure of 31 was impressive then Som gets one better, as on 10:00 AM central, this man has already posted 32 new articles. With a wide range of reviews to views, from Hrithik to Shahrukh, this man knows no boundaries, if you saw an article about movies anywhere on net, Simply makes sure that it lands up on NG in a record time. So give it up for Simply Som……

C) Rks: Ok now I am not kidding here, this man is a machine, this man is a super computer, this man is so awesome, that he borders an Urban Legend. I kid you not, this guy has posted 36 new articles as on 10:00 Am Central from 2nd April to 10th April 2008, EAT THAT. With a range of political as well as filmy topics, this man is too good to be true. Now if you thought why he is not here all the time to comment, well now you know the answer, he is too busy putting up the topics for you losers to read and fight and bite each other. He is too smart to indulge himself in this immature “debates” we have. So he would rather just give us the topics to move on to yet another topic. Again with an average of 5+ Rks rules, and BTW Rks works on Sundays as well.

2) The Diplomatic Award: Next in the line is an award which 99.99% of NG may not even know the meaning of. We all over here are to naive to understand the meaning of diplomacy, but then there are a few who will step up to the occasion, when the discussion is most intense, when there are clearly JUST 2 SIDES to an argument, only to post how both of the arguments are right. Hence may be contributing nothing to the ongoing “battle” but making all parties feel too good about themselves (no matter how falsely) . And the nominations are:-

A) Rks: This is the double nomination for Rks, and in this category also he shows his talent that only few can come close to. If there is a choice only between Amitabh and Shahrukh, this man can make his statement in such a way, that both parties would think that voted for their star, but he, my friends, actually voted for Mithun. No one really knows who he likes who he hates, but one thing everyone can stamp on that this man can teach the art of diplomacy to our foreign ministers. So once again, Rks.

B) Akshay Shah: While giving his reviews or views, this man rarely would step on wrong side of the fence, unless your name is Street. Ever so polite, ever so diplomatic, Akshay treads a path which people thought never existed in the first place. Nio matter that he has heard your name for the first time in his life and no freaking clue of what you are saying, still come out as you are the one he was dying to read, and agree completely with. Nomination number two, but nowhere lesser than anyone.

C) Eire: If you thought reincarnation is all fictional and creation of Manmohan Desai, then my friends meet Eire, some people have actually called him reincarnation of Gandhi. With the message of love, rose in hand, and some amish dude in avtar, Eire does what a few can dream off. And BTW if you thought RGV is excited about Sarkar Raj??? wrong answer, Eire has more excitement than RGV can ever fathom.

D) Julie: She is again one member over here who can post with the talent that no one would ever know where this lass is leaning, may be its a quality she gets naturally being a girl. The way she puts her “little agreements and little disagreements” with everyone, makes it next to impossible for anyone to argue with her, and she again gets out while making a fool of everyone else, again may be something to do with er being a girl…..

3) Best Reviews: These reviewers are the ones who take their time off to write reviews for the betterment of fellow NGites, so that we can read them and make a smart decision to watch or not to watch a movie. But then they are so long and so detailed that it takes days if not weeks for them to publish their own reviews, hence in all honesty helping us to just say “why didn’t you tell me any earlier”. Anyhow they take their time to describe a movie which we have already seen, already hated/loved and may be already forgotten. So the nominees are:-

A) Akshay Shah: This man reviews everythin, classics, semi classics, new movies, old movies, upcoming movies, with a length and detail that sometime is even bigger than the script of the movie itself. Sometimes you wish if only director had taken so much time off to make this movie…… If you think I am kidding, then listen to this, and I honestly am not making it up, this man reviewed Billa No. 786, a Mithun D grader. Now you must acknowledge the time and courage this man has, who has not only seen this movie, but also relived it to review it to us, a movie which many of us would have rejected to watch just to save the embarrassment.

B) Qualandar AKA Q: Now what to say about this man. There are not many in this world who saw Jhoom Barabar Jhoom in the first place, then even rarer are the ones who liked it, and then this guy, the only one who actually wrote how much he liked it. Just a word of caution, before you start reading his reviews, have a jug of water, plenty of food, ample amount of time and a good English dictionary by your side.

C) Street: Though he is not a member over here, but surely deserves to get his name mentioned just for the amount of reactions and emotions this guy used to generate. One whole post of anyone can not crate the atmosphere what NG is known for, which Street could have generated by one word. He said that he speaks his mind, may be, but then he surely has alot of animals in his mind…..

4) Best Guest Appearance: There are a few members who will come time to time will say something which would start a “discussion” and then they will leave. Their incoming and outgoing is as frequent as you get good connection on Reliance mobile, but their arguments start a discussion which might compete Maruti’s fuel efficiency “ki karan petrol khatam hi nahin hunda”. They are the guests because of whom NG is what NG is, but then they are too busy having vacations in Hawaii while we battle it out on ground zero.

A) Sandy: She is surely the one which most might have only heard off, but rarely read. But then when you read her comments you see 100s of responses to that, but Sandy is too busy to respond back. She is the busy bee whose coments may contain sting of a been as well, prompting you to frustrate yourself for days if not week. But all this frustrations can’t reach her, because shes not here. But you will see her agian in say 10-15 days, only to be bamboozled again.

B) Abzee: Some say he is best writer, I say he is best instigator. The debate of his awards is still reverberating in the halls of NG. But where is Abzee??? away from all this, may be somehwere nice and cool. After all he has a job to do, and life to live to be involved in naive discussions like ours.

C) Eire: Again a double nominated guy over here. He is a guy who will never hesitate to throw a random comment about how Abhishek is the best, only to disappear back into the oblivion where he came from. But gives us enough fodder to chew for hours.

5) Most Passionate: Now this is a category where many might break in, but still I have decided on just few names. These people not only rise above the curses, remarks, offenses and sometimes even senses to post about how their star would break into the stratosphere which was never imagined before. No matter how you try to tackle them, but they have a way of reasoning, I would go as far as saying that Lalu should get some coaching from them and he will have better answers for where Rs 5000 Cr. Fodder go. All in all these are the people that we have NG, NG is nothing if a platform to display passion and love for cinema, cinema stars and their parivars.

A) Rockstar aka Champu: This man has all the qualities you need to be a passionate poster, he takes minimum time to read and maximum to reply. His replies might leave you dumb as where did you implied to what he replied…. But forget not he is the one with all answers. Why sun rises from east, why Mars is round, why Abhishek is still around, your intellect might not be explain all this, but his passion will. Nominee number 1, Rockstar

B) Satyam: Our third double nominee of the day/night, depending upon where you are right now… rises above his criticism the way no one can. Often target of every ridicule, every curse, and every frawn has maintained his stance ever since. This is a man of word, he stands by his word no matter what. He will still believe on Monday what he said on Friday, no matter what happens on Saturday, Sunday. BTW on Friday he mentioned JBJ will be a superhit. Man of many words and as much wisdom. If you actually take out the posts where he deviates a bit, he is as fine read as I have ever read, ever, I repeat. Nominee number 2, and no doubts the fav.

C) Achilles: They said D2 was a great movie, he said D2 as a great movie, they said JA as a great movie, he said JA was a great movie, they said Fiza was a dud, he still said Fiza was a great movie, why??? because Fiza was HR’s movie. If you thought Suzzane loves HR the most, then people you can never be as wrong. There is a man named Achilles who will go beyond the definition of love. Again a fan who is loud and proud, why he shouldn’t be, his star is tipped to be next Shahrukh Khan, next Aamir Khan, next…. to star beside Barbra Mori, one more reason to see HR’s movie…..

D) Myna/Julie/Jane all girl folks here: Why you would love HR? His acting is not that great, he doesn’t do whole lot of movies to overshadow other stars, but then for these girls nothing matters… why??? Its Hrithik yaar. How can a girl in a sane mind can actually hate Hrithik Roshan and for this reason alone, all these girls are passionate for HR as much as they seriously think D2 was a good movie. Now I am no expert here, but then D2, a good movie, don’t seem to go hand in hand for lesser mortals. But then there is a reason why they are nominated over here.

E) Mimi: She is an Onida in this regard. She is Everyone’s envy and Shahrukh’s pride. I have not seen anyone else jumping up with blazing guns and rattling swords for Shahrukh as Mimi does. If not in NG then in SB. She is one person you should not be messing with hen you are trash talking DDLJ, coz I have seen her making people trash. Shes the one girl destined to rule them all.

F) Nithi: Now if there was anyone who didn’t need introduction then it was this person you are reading about right now. She comes here as much as lillies blossom in an year and sting as much as cactus does throughout the year. Who she is passionate about???? I don’t have a clue, but she really holds her opinions very near and dear to herself. So mess at your own risk.

6) The Ghosts: These are the people who exists in shadows, they can see you, read you and know you in and out, but you can not say the same about them. They appear randomly, in the shoutbox, and from there only they talk to the outside world. They know about what you are reading, what you are talking and to whom you are talking, but question is can you?

A) The Skeptic: The name itself has an aura of mystery, and so has the nature of this person. He can be seen in SB but can not be reached in NG. Has chosen a particular style, life and zone for himself, and no one can force him out of there. Ardent Bachchans, RGV fan. Has eye on every topic being discussed, and opinion as well, but will say it only in SB, where he feels cramped by yours truly BTW. Loves movies and may be hates everything else. Only thing known for certain about him is, he will discuss only politics and movies.

B) Antiseptic: Again a name which might invoke emotions of fear and mystery at the same time. Knows everyone by their first name, both inside and outside, and will not hesitate to share knowledge with noobs, but then will never enter NG. Reasons best known to him. Unusually whacky and extremely funny are just some of the qualities of otherwise mysterious figure that is of Antiseptic. You just don’t have to be lucky, but darn good with your luck to catch him. he sure is a ghost which many believe is just a myth, but has been spotted by some.

C) Hardik: Again an entity which exists only in SB to pass on his opinions, judgments, and love for Katrina. He is quite a mirror reflection to Anti in a way that 99.99% times you will find him in SB. I do not know what time zone this man lives in, but whatever that is has no nights.

D) Jane: I do not know where she is from, but she doesn’t know much of Hindi and is a fan of Hindi movies… can it get any spookier than that???? Seldom you can find her, and even rarer you might talk to her, but then her interest in movies is as good as any NG member here.

E) Oops: Now if there was a name which you may never choose as your screen name, then this is the one I bet. But this mademoiselle bears this name as a proud Hindi film fan, and she is from France. She is out n out French, with no connection to India other then that of Hindi movies. If there ever was an example of art crossing the limitations of national boundaries, languages cultures, Oops symbolizes that.

F) Bolly1: This guy never becomes a member because he thinks that he will get banned the next day… how cool is that I say. Again will exists only in the shadows of SB and with his knowledge and love for Katrina will continue to floor all those of us who visit there regularly.

G) 69: No its not just a position but a name of a regular NG contributor here. You must be asking why don’t you see his comments then, but then there is a reason why he has been nominated for Ghost awards. Being in SB he has been watching all like all of these here and occasionally even pop up with his one or two liners here and there. But then what time he comes, when he leaves and what are his comments are known only to a few. Again a question over his timings but not on his existence.

H) Jass: Now he is a Bobby Deol fan, now this thing itself in unbelievable, and then he liked Nanhe Jaiselmer, hence good enough to put him in this category of those who can’t be for real. But then he is for real.  Location:unknown, occupation:unknown, He works alone, why??? because he is a bobby Deol fan, making him the one and only.

I) Rohit Karan Batra: Does he even exists??? is he for real??? people say they have heard from him, but where???? he doesn’t appear on NG or shoutbox. I would go as far as saying that if he is for real so is “Big Foot”. You just hear about him, you just hear about hearing from from him, or you would just hear about hearing about hearing from him, BUT THOU SHALT NOT BE SPOKEN TO OR HEARD FROM. Rohit is a myth, which has been going on with NG for god knows how long, and will go on for god knows how long……….

Well these are my nominations and please feel free to add yours, not just nominations but votes and other categories too if you feel like it.

Again this is just for fun, hope you all will enjoy this little gig. Do post your opinions. This is just an incomplete post, and would remain so until you vote.

Thank you, all comments would be deeply appreciated, even the ones which might have fair amount of curses at me.