PFC

frequently wonder what is that in Oscars that ruffles so many feathers in our film industry..Why are we so obsessed with getting pat on our back from these academy members who are to many, nothing more than an old boys association of spoilt brats..

KJO (Karan Johar) in his interview to a weekly magazine Tehleka recently acknowledged his wish to get an Oscar.. And the way he has in mind to get the weird statutette is not to make a movie with global appeal and local aesthetics..The way he has in mind is to simply visualize wearing a black suit,walking down the red carpet, sitting somewhere in the last three rows of the Kodak Theatre and then walking with wondrous expression up to the stage once an Oscar for Best Foreign Film category is announced..And the Oscar for Best Foreign Film goes to……

Now here lies a hitch..

On hearing this clarion call there is not only KJO but a whole brigade that is ready to charge down the aisle..

Few of the notable amongst them who are really keen :

Vidhu Vinod Chopra
Sanjay Leela Bhansali
Ashutosh Gowariker

And then the new-age ones who equally can

Shimit Amin
Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra
Anuraag Kashyap

And then those who can just con

Kunal Kohli
Apoorva Lakhia
Sanjay Gupta

And those who are just concerned

Pradeep Sarkar
Amol Palekar
Chandraprakash Dwivedi

And those who never can

Dharmesh Darshan
David Dhawan
Satish Kaushik

One thing common amongst all of them is that all of them have at some point or the other bought a copy of THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne..And the problem is all of them are applying the same techniques ABR (Ask for it, Believe it, Act As if you already received it) clandestinely,feverishly or passionately, to get that coveted Oscar.

Imagine if all have their wish fulfilled, the whole five nominations for Best Foreign Film category may be choc-o-bloc with entires from Bollywood or plain Bharat.

It could be quite scary for the Oscar organizers..And one of them on assurance of anonymity, told me that we at the Academy really shudder to imagine what will happen if entires started coming from Bhollywood(Bhojpuri Films), Tollywood (Tollygunj aka Bengali Films),Mohaliwood(Punjabi films made in Mohali),Taaliwood (For Tamil Films), Maaliwood (Malayli Films),Kaaliwood (Kannad Films) and Teluwood(For Telugu Films).And then those misnomers of cross-eyed films in English-Hinglish from NRIs-for NRIs (Crolliwood).

Imagine a country of one billion flexing its muscle, movies and masala at the Academy!

I tried to assure him that his fears are misplaced. This can’t happen..There can’t be a deluge..As we have a proper system in place.. Film Federation of India(FFI) sifts through the movies, received from each State’s Film Federation( which vets movies at their end from their State’s respective language ) and then decides over-all about the official representation from India..

He told me to just take a walk or go and watch GO as he is not a moron..He is updated to all that has been happening in our country..That the Film Federation of India has been time and again accused of partiality..That its system is all bunkum..That even the courts have reservations about the system and it has ordered the FFI to file an affidavit regarding the selection criteria for an official entry—(eg; whether Dharm has been applied in selecting Eklavya)..That there is no effective mechanism to select a right choice and that even after the official entry, one has an option of sending an unofficial entry for nominations..

I still tried to assuage his anxiety..You see even if these unofficial guys send their movies for nomination where is the money and where-with-al with them to wine- n- dine the academey members officially..He had his reservations..He said the way your country’s economy is booming and the way guys are climbing up the billionaires ladder sooner or later there would be money enough to literally drown the academy bozos in booze and bar-be-que.

He had a point..Then I asked him what the Academy had in mind to counter and thwart this impending onslaught ?.He said one way is to stop Indian entries to the Oscars..Instead of India coming to the Oscars..Let Oscars go to India !

And he was all excited about all those sponsorship opportunities, endorsements,TV deals and secondary industries that will mushroom with coming of Oscars to India..His logic was simple..If you can’t beat them, join them..And think global, go local.

Seeing my incredulous expression, it was now his turn to reassure me.. He said the process has already started .. I asked How ? He showed me a news item.. Headline screamed Obsessed About Oscar..And the brief read..A film starring Sylvester Stallone titled Oscar is being made by three directors in Hindi..

Asim Samanta is making Oscar as Don Muthuswamy.He says he is simply adapting.

Some Manu Chaube is remaking Oscar as One Fine Monday. He thinks he is loosely inspired.

And yesteryears villain Ranjit is reassembling Oscar to launch his son in his untitiled version! He feels he is going to be loose all the way.

This news cheered me to the gills..Apart from such blatant pilferage,imagine any of us now can have a dash at the Oscars when Oscars open their franchise in India..And it will have categories suiting our culture,capital,cash registers and consumers..Till then get-set-GO to erase ‘Oh Scar’ of not winning any Oscar with three dreads and retreads to come out in name of Oscar!

PS : Saw Dharm today in Indian Film Directors Association’s Film Society’s screening (where film’s director Bhavna Talwar and the producer Sheetal Talwar answered audience’s queries)..Now I have the facts for both– Eklavya and Dharm..And in my opinion Dharm has been done injustice..It is far better cinema than Eklavya (to substantiate my opinion a separate post may be required, if so desired)..